It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
