Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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