just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
