It's Friday. Sex?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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