What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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