Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
