I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
