dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
