Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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