During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant