hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
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She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.