she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
