He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
