I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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