I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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