That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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