i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
