trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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