i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
