96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize