I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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