he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.