Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.