I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.