apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse