i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.