And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!