Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life