My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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