Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
