The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize