I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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