She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My bed smells like the plague
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
