So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
