That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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