Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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