i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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