He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
