Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
