I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
