he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
