Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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