Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
