I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
