it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and she was petting her beer can
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
