So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
