no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
