advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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