Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
