When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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