I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
