K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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