Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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