Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
