I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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