I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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