now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she told me i tasted like america
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
