How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.