went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.