Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When are your genitals available?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
