I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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