Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
