Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.

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(979): View more from Texas

i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

(903): View more from Texas

wow. i have no words.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.

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(954): View more from Florida

Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet

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29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Read it at the TFLN blog
(678): View more from Georgia

I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.

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(602): View more from Arizona

It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.

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