I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
