I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
