apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
