Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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