You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
