The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
