so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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