i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
