Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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