god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Someone came in the potted fern
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
