Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
