I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
