He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ladies don't puke and tell
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
