I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Randomize
