I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
