i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
