Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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