I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
