Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
