the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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