Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
