dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
